You OWE Me, House!
by Terra Nympha Dryadis
Summary: A new department head; a new pathologist; a new financial donor; House's new neighbor; and a blast from House and Wilson's past: What do all they have in common? They are all the same person! Established H/W, possible threesomes...Sorry, no sex scenes.
1. Enter Sonya Light!

**Hey everybody! It's me again; I'm finally back form the long hiatus. I finally had a new story idea. Actually, I had a new character idea, and she demanded that she be used in a fanfiction. Who am I to say no? Besides, if I had, my muse would probably run away again… Anyway, I've been reading House fanfics lately, especially the ones that have H/W pairings… Normally, I don't go for the bisexual relationships for reading material, but House and Wilson are just too cute. I have nothing against homosexuals or bisexuals. However, I do have House and Wilson as a civil union couple in this story. Amber never happened. I will warn you now; I don't like Cameron or Cuddy. Also, I believe I will be placing this story in season 3, just after the Half-Wit episode. Tritter never happened either, but then, House's vicodin addiction didn't get so bad that he OD'd. Huzzah for Wilson Love Power!**

**Disclaimer: House and subsequent characters are the property of David Shore and the actors/actresses who play said characters. The only things I own are the plot, my OFC Sonya Light, and a bag of Funyuns that I'm about to devour.**

* * *

House was in the middle of a differential diagnosis with his ducklings as Wilson came rushing into the conference room.

"Did Cuddy try to ask you out again?" he asked, annoyed.

Wilson shook his head, somewhat distractedly. He walked over to the window "No. That new pathologist is supposed to be arriving today, remember?"

House levered himself up onto his feet and joined his best friend and lover at the window. "Oh, yeah, I'd forgotten all about that. Did anyone find out who it was? Or has Cuddy managed to keep it a secret?"

Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital had been abuzz with news and gossip about the new pathologist all month. The only definitive information House and Wilson were able to glean from the rumor-mill was that the pathologist was the top of their field throughout the country, they specialized in speech-language and audiology, and they were supposed to arrive today. Only Cuddy knew who it was, and she wasn't talking. She wouldn't even tell Wilson after he swore he wouldn't tell House. The new pathologist was a huge mystery. They didn't even know if the doctor was male or female, for crying out loud!

After a minute or two, House went back to the diagnosis with his team, leaving Wilson at the window. He knew his younger lover would let him know when the elusive fresh meat showed up. About five minutes later, just as House was about to send the kiddies away to run some tests, Wilson gave a small cry.

"Hey, House! Check it out!"

"What, your tight ass? I do that enough at our apartment."

Wilson rolled his eyes, but kept looking out the window. "Not that. There's a General Lee pulling into the parking lot!"

House blinked before hurrying over to stand beside Wilson once more. He knew that Wilson loved the old Dukes of Hazzard show, so of course he could identify a General Lee. "Can you tell who's driving?"

Wilson shook his head. "No, but they should be getting out in a minute. Do you think the driver is the new pathologist?"

House shrugged. "Who else would it be? I don't think Cuddy's hired any male escorts lately. I know I haven't. Did you?" After Wilson just grunted in annoyance, House continued. "Of course it's the new pathologist. Ooh, looky!"

They watched the car door open, nearly squirming in anticipation. They saw a high-heeled boot touch the pavement and were startled to realize that the new doctor was a woman! Just as they were about to see her face, both their pagers went off, startling them. As they looked down, they noticed that the kiddies had gone to do the tests House was going to assign them. After cursing out the technology hanging from their hips, they glanced out the window to see that the woman was already in the building. They cursed their pagers again and went to deal whatever crisis had cropped up. They would seek out the new doctor later.

* * *

Sonya pulled into the parking lot at half-past nine, cursing the traffic in New Jersey. She made sure her make-up was still fine and her hair wasn't mussed up too badly before glancing up at the hospital through the windshield. She saw several people standing at the windows, but could only identify two of them. She grinned and called Cuddy.

"Hey, Cuddy-love, I'm here, and I'll be in your office in a minute."

"You're over half an hour late! How are you supposed to run yo-"

Sonya grinned as she hung up on her new boss. Cuddy couldn't fire her for two reasons: Sonya had tenure, and the money the hospital had two stipulations that Cuddy had to keep or risk losing all of it. The stipulations were that Cuddy was to never try and find out who had donated the money, and that Sonya Light was to be given a department head job. It helped that it was Sonya herself who had given the money that Cuddy was trying to keep… She opened the car door and set a foot on the ground while looking up at the two faces she had recognized. As soon as she saw them glance down at their hips she took off running for the doors, laughter trailing behind her, scaring some of the people going through the doors.

She burst into Lisa Cuddy's office. Actually, she was very quiet and stealthy about it; perhaps that's why Cuddy nearly had a heart attack five minutes later when she looked up, wondering where her new doctor was.

"Holy Hell!" she screeched over Sonya's laughter. "Damn it, Light! How long have you been standing there?"

Sonya made a big production out of looking at the watch on her wrist. "Oh, only about five minutes or so. Why do you ask?" She giggled at the resigned, yet pissed off look on Cuddy's face. "Calm down, Boss Lady! If you're not careful, you'll really have a heart attack from the high blood pressure. So, where's my office?"

Cuddy rolled her eyes and muttered something along the lines of "Great, not another House. This hospital can barely handle one as it is…" She refocused on the woman in front of her desk. "Take the elevator to the third floor. Upon exiting, turn left. Your office will be the one across from Dr. House. That was the only open office left that was large enough for your department, so if you have complaints about your neighbors, sorry, but there's nothing I can do. Also, you have weekly clinic duty hours to fulfill, please don't skip out on them for years at a time. Any questions?"

"…I'll ignore the comment you mumbled under your breath. Do I have any questions? Yeah. Just one: Where are Drs. House and Wilson right now?"

Cuddy looked a bit taken aback at that. That soon turned to suspicion. "And why exactly do you want to know that?"

Light just gave her boss a 'look.' "I want to try and convince them to have a threesome with me in the janitor's closet. And they owe me at least $500 apiece…" She broke off at the severely annoyed look on Cuddy's face. "Oh, you meant honestly? Well, that's easy. Doctor number one has a reputation for charming his way into Victoria's biggest Secret, and then leaving said girl Secret-less and heartbroken, but richer. Doctor number two has a reputation for being a sarcastic, yet brilliant bastard-y asshole; also leaves women broken, though usually in a more mental manner. I myself am a healthy, mentally and emotionally stable young woman, and would rather not be subjected to either of their philandering ways before I absolutely have to be. I rather like my Victoria's Secret collection, and my self-esteem just can't handle another insult or crude comment about my breasts, ass, or lack thereof."

Light hid her smile at seeing the shock on her boss's face, trying hard to project an aura of innocence. 'Hah! A woman with House's sense of snarky humor, Wilson's childish innocence, and her own dress code _does_ exist. She has _no_ idea of how to deal with a creature like me. I bet she can't even really tell which part I was being serious about…' "Their reputations precede them. Congratulations. So, again I ask: Where are they right now?"

The shell-shocked older woman blinked, before shaking her head, as if to dispel the incredulousness she had been shoved into. Taking a glance at her watch, she replied, "It's now 10:15. House will be hiding in the coma patients' rooms, or Wilson's office, or actually dealing with his patient of the week. Wilson will most likely be in his office or playing with the cancer kiddies. You should be safe to go to your office without being molested by the panty-peeler or degraded by the cripple."

Light grinned at Cuddy's terminology for the two department heads. "Thanks, Lisa! I'll try to do some clinic hours later this week, but I think I'll use today to get settled in and learn my way around. Is the cafeteria food any good in this place?"

"Dr. Light, I'll let it slide this time, but I really prefer being called by my last name. As for the cafeteria food, it's passable. House and Wilson share lunch in the cafeteria everyday around 12:30 or so, should you want to avoid them."

Sonya grinned and skipped from Cuddy's office with a flippant, "See you later, lover!" leaving a sputtering Dean of Medicine behind her.

* * *

Chase and Foreman were passing by Cuddy's office and saw the energetic young woman pestering her. With a glance at each other, they shook their heads.

Chase spoke first. "Must be the new head of pathology House and Wilson were talking about."

Foreman chuckled. "Obviously. How long before you think House and/or Wilson drive her away?"

As the elevator doors opened, they saw Cameron and House waiting for them. House called to them. "Come on, kids. Daddy's taking you on a little field trip to the lab to see which tests you screwed up and why!"

Chase rolled his eyes to Foreman. "Provided she doesn't have to see _him_ everyday, I give her three months." They walked to the elevator, where House was drawing attention with his wild cane-waving and shouting. "If it's a daily basis, I give her a week."

Foreman nodded, looking rather thoughtful. "I'll take that bet. Fifty bucks?"

"Sure."

A flame-covered cane suddenly cut between them. "And what are Daddy's boys betting about this time, hmm? Tell me the truth, now, and I might just give you a lollipop!"

"Well, _Daddy_," Foreman stated sarcastically, "…we're betting on how long it's going to take you and Wilson to drive away the new pathologist. I personally hope you don't manage it."

House's eyebrows rose with his indignation. "And why ever not?"

The neurologist smirked. "Well, I only saw her from the back, but she definitely had a nice figure underneath the white doctor's coat. And, she was making Cuddy freak out. Who knows, you might actually get along with her…"

* * *

**Alright, peeps! Tell me what you think! Reviews help me get better, and sustain my miserable existence. This is my first House story, so let me know if there's something not right with the sarcasm, or if I used a phrase too much. I need feedback, people!**

**Yours (somewhat faithfully), Terra Nympha Dryadis**


	2. The Insanity Begins!

After leaving Cuddy's office and the clinic, which was strangely empty, Light hopped on one of the elevators and rode up to the third floor. As the metal doors slid open with a 'ding!' she poked her head out and glanced down the hall, freaking out some of the passing nurses. She ignored them with the ease of long practice.

Upon seeing that Wilson was sufficiently distracted by a patient Light casually, but cautiously, started making her way down the hall. As she got closer to House's office and conference room, she was glad that the glass walls allowed her to see that both rooms were empty. She continued fher meandering saunter down the hall, never once losing her stride.

Upon reaching her office door, she stood with her hand on the handle and took a deep breath. _'My name is going on this plank of wood. There's no turning back now,'_ she thought to herself, somewhat anxiously. Taking another deep breath, she allowed her eyes to slide closed as she twisted the lump of metal she held captive. Opening the door, and her eyes, she felt her breath leave her lungs in a rush.

A look of wry humor passed over her face. Tilting her head to the side, she smirked and let out a wolf whistle. As the amorous couple looked up at her, shocked to have been discovered, she cleared her throat. "I'll give you two," she stated with a smirk, "five minutes to finish and clean up. If you aren't finished by then, I'm going to find an audience willing to pay to watch your humiliation…and I'll make sure that House is included." With that said, Light backed up and closed the door on the brightly blushing duo, then turned and walked back to the elevators.

Riding them back down, she got off on the main floor and re-entered the clinic, which was still empty. Cuddy was bent over her desk, doing paperwork. Light stealthily snuck in again and hid between the filing cabinet and the bookcase. About ten minutes later, House came rushing in (as much as a crippled man can, anyway) and began yelling at Cuddy for not approving some treatments that could save his patient's life. Cuddy finished the page that she was working on and looked up to address the screaming diagnostician.

Just as Cuddy opened her mouth to berate the limping twerp, her voice came from the fake potted ficus behind her desk. "Goddammit, House, I'm busy! Quit your juvenile bitching and start making up your clinic hours, and I'll think about authorizing your treatments."

Both the Dean of Medicine and the Head of Diagnostics stiffened in surprise, though Cuddy quickly hid her expression from House. After a few moments, House turned and left the office. Cuddy waited until she was sure he was gone before she suspiciously looked around her office, a terrified expression on her face. Finally, she sighed. "Light, could you please come out of wherever you're hiding? I'm too stressed to deal with this right now…"

Light stepped out and faked a rather convincing pout. It would have been totally convincing if she hadn't been trying to stop her grin from spreading from ear to ear. "Aw, how did you know it was me?"

In a completely serious voice, with only a hint of amusement, Cuddy replied, "All the other ventriloquists employed on my staff are male and can't mimic my voice nearly so well." Cuddy raised an eyebrow at the deeper pout on the younger doctor's face before speaking again. "Why are you in my office again? Other than trying to send me to an early grave…"

Light giggled at the despondency in her boss's voice. "Sorry, Boss Lady. I won't be able to work in my office for at about a week or so." She watched in fascination as Cuddy's jaw muscles clenched and relaxed, and she later swore she heard her boss counting backwards from thirty.

Finally, Cuddy was able to speak without screaming. "And why can't you work in your office?" she asked in a syrupy-sweet tone.

Light smirked. "There are three reasons, my lover. First and foremost would be the couple currently having sexual relations in there."

Cuddy's face pinched in annoyance at the appellation, but she waved her hand to get Light to continue.

"Reason two: the color scheme in there is all wrong. I refuse to work while surrounded by such revolting colors. Nutty-poo-brown carpet and I-can't-believe-it's-not-butter-yellow walls? I mean, really? I'm not going into that office until the colors meet my exact specifications."

An extremely annoyed look crossed Cuddy's features as a negative sound escaped her throat. Just as she was about to tell Light to work in the offending office anyway, Light interrupted.

"Might I remind you, Boss Lady, that this hospital just received a rather hefty donation and has more than enough money for a very small renovating session?" Light said, a hard tone in her otherwise soft voice. "Besides, I didn't say I wasn't going to work, period. I said I wasn't going to work in that office. Big difference."

"Uh huh. And where do you plan to work, if not in your office?"

A sly grin stole its way onto Light's face. "Why, I'll share offices with House, of course. It'll be much easier to bug him for my money if I'm in his office, where he is. Reason number three I won't work in that room: I found a couple in there, fornicating. When I walked in, they were on the floor. But who's to say how many others have used the chair, the desk, the walls, the bookshelf, or even the damn door? Ew! I want to bring in new, different furniture. I'd even be willing to pay for it."

Cuddy narrowed her eyes at her newest employee. "Would you also be willing to work double clinic hours for a month, in exchange for me allowing all of this?"

Light dramatically placed a hand on her heart as her face adopted an obviously false look of hurt. "I offer to buy my own office furnishings and annoy House at the same time, out of the goodness of my heart. Why do you seek to punish me by making work double clinic hours? You'd think I'd be aggravating you instead of House!"

Cuddy reconsidered for a moment. "If you work double clinic hours for two weeks, you can do whatever the hell you want with your office."

Light beamed a smile at her boss, momentarily blinding her. "Thanks, Boss Lady! I'll bring in some color and carpet samples in the morning. Bye-bye, Lover!" With that, Light flounced from the office, humming a vaguely Russian tune. Making her way through the clinic, which was now bursting with patients, Light went out to the main lobby and decided to take the stairs up to the third floor.

* * *

Turning left once on the desired floor, Light saw House, Wilson, and three unknown doctors in the conference room. _'Lucky for me,'_ she thought with a smile, _'they're all facing the white board.'_ With a mischievous glint in her eye, Light quietly opened the door and took up a spot behind Wilson, just in case House decided to look away from the list of symptoms, which were written in green.

As she listened to the DDx, she looked at the board. What she saw made her grin. House really couldn't figure this out?

_**Discharge from left ear  
Dizziness  
Vertigo  
Frequent ear infections  
Hearing loss in left ear  
Headaches  
Nausea**_

Without even looking at the patient, Light knew what the diagnosis was. Perhaps House and Wilson were having a bad day… Light refocused on the room as the only other female spoke up.

* * *

"The CT scans showed several small tumors in the middle ear," Cameron said.

Wilson shook his head, even though no one (except Light) could see it. "They aren't important, or at the least, they certainly aren't cancerous. They've been there for a very long time, probably congenital."

House added tumors to the list. "What about the patient's parents? What are their medical histories? Anything that could help us diagnose this kid?"

Chase sounded a negative. "Kyle is a 15 year old orphan. He was left on the orphanage steps just a few months after he was born. No one knows who the parents are."

House glanced over his shoulder, probably to yell at the Australian doctor for one reason or another, and saw a team of workers going into the office across from his. With a frown, he grabbed his cane from the edge of the board and began limping his way over, Wilson and the ducklings following and voicing their confusion.

While House was questioning the men trying to remove the poo-brown carpet, Light sauntered her way up to the board and began marking on it with the red marker, making sure to mimic House's chicken-scratch handwriting.

_**Discharge from left ear  
Dizziness  
Vertigo  
**__**Headaches**__** – Pressure on inner ear  
Frequent ear infections  
Hearing loss in left ear  
**__**Nausea**__** – Caused by dizziness and vertigo  
Tumors  
Final Verdict – Cholesteatoma and Type II Waardenburg Syndrome**_

When she was done with that, she snuck a quick peek to make sure the other doctors were still busy. Seeing that they were, she stole into House's office and began looking for something on the internet. She spent a moment wondering why House never seemed to change his password, then shrugged and decided it was better for her anyway.

About three minutes later, the team and Wilson returned to the conference room. They were shocked to find House's handwriting all over the board in red, giving them the answer to their little medical puzzle. House was livid.

"Who in the hell touched my markers? Where the hell are you, you bastard?" he shouted. "Who the hell pulled this bullshit?"

Light, over in House's chair, smiled to herself and hit a button on his computer. Since his chair faced away from the conference room, and no one was looking anyway, Light was still hidden. The song _Sexy Naughty Bitchy Me_ began playing throughout the two rooms. The three fellows were looking around in confusion, looks of slight fear on their faces. House and Wilson, on the other hand, glanced at each other with a smile on each mouth.

Light stood up from the chair and began swaying her hips to the beat, drawing all the attention over to her. Once the chorus came around again, Light turned around and started sashaying her way to the stunned team. As she reached the doctors, the music trailed off and Light laughed at the drool falling from Foreman and Chase's mouths, the envy disfiguring Cameron's face, and the pure amusement in House and Wilson's eyes. When the older doctors began clapping, Light smiled and gave a sweeping bow. She turned to the three younger doctors.

"Hello, little ducklings! I am Doctor Light, the new Head Pathologist here at Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital, and Greg and Jimmy's Mistress, with a capital M." Ignoring their gaping looks of disbelief, she turned to House with a gleam in her eyes. "Greg, you naughty, naughty boy. You still owe me five favors and $500." She glanced over at the board and grinned before looking back at the cripple. "Make that $600."

House grinned. Wilson gulped, causing Light to cut her eyes over to him. "Don't think I've forgotten about you, Jimmy. You still owe me three favors and $500 as well."

Cameron spoke up, getting Light's attention. "Who exactly are you," she asked, sounding more than a bit jealous, "and why do you look so familiar?"

Light just smirked at Cameron and turned back to House, thoroughly pissing Cameron off. "By the way, Hobble, I'm going to be using your office for the next week or so. If you don't like it, take your impending bitch-fest to the roof and get over it. Because this is going to happen, whether you like it or not. Kinda like sex with Kobe Bryant. You can struggle and fight all you want, but it's gonna happen."


End file.
